You almost need to say something bad about it, just to satisfy these fools' persecution complexes. Though now you're more likely to be plagued by asthma and meth addicts. Course, Minnesotans also get more colonoscopies than the average American, once again proving the axiom: No matter where you live, someone's always up your ass. (Lumbourg and Switzerland came in second and third.) The Worst 50 States in America: Day 1 Well, Vermont has the worst of both: French Canadians, who make up nearly ten percent of the population. To refresh your memories one more time: We were tasked by the U.S. Department of Social Geography to conduct a very scientific poll of our staff. DO YOU LIKE APPLES? It's reflexive. So that whole "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" motto? Remember: They named the dog Indiana. Jerseyites have such a bizarrely inflated ego and defensiveness about their state that it's hard to actually praise it. Thanks for playing along, everyone. You know why, at least why I suspect, New Jersey ranked so low on this list? After you're done marveling at those black-sand beaches, note that your pasta salad costs $15 and tastes like black sand: Hawaii depends on crummy, expensive, imported food. Despite hopeful predictions and hundreds of disaster movies (which Californians call "best case scenarios"), the state still hasn't fallen into the ocean—but only because they'd have to put it to a referendum first. Arkansas was recently ranked one of the worst states for removing litter from highways and has an above-average fatality rate for litter-related vehicle accidents. Even worse than cancer, practically every "movie" Kevin Smith has ever "written" has been set in Jersey. It's also contracted a bad case of real-estate foreclosures and continues to battle those chronic voting irregularities. Cheer up, North Dakota: You've still got beets. The Grand Canyon State has always been famous for its giant holes, but only recently have they started standing up for themselves. Couple that factoid with their #1 ranking in diabetes rates and the Mountain State looks like an ongoing experiment in the ill effects of high-fructose corn syrup. Well, OK, Flagstaff has its moments. Gardens Alive, a garden and lawn supply company, conducted a study analyzing Google Trends for the top-searched pests and diseases that prevent our gardens from looking their best.They then compared the data to location, working to determine if one’s state was an indicator of a garden’s biggest pests. But don't blame the trash on the road: It's just trying to get out of Arkansas. No one can agree on what "Idaho" actually means. Seems shocking—until you realize Nebraska ranks near the top in farm subsidies and is the home of CliffsNotes, the ultimate tool in "getting something for nothing." (The most recent member of this not-so-exclusive club is fame-hungry Stephen King impersonator Rod Blagojevich.) Switzerland too flashy for you? Oh yes: Illinois also grows corn—and, more important, corn subsidies. American States, like Americans themselves, are fond of trumpeting their superlatives. We won't stop you. Gardening in zone 1 isn’t for the faint of heart. As for your nostrils, the eastern third of the state is practically awash in pig feces. The Heart of Dixie is alas a clogged artery of bad ideas and other sad stuff. Desolate, creepy rock and desert. Our very own Grumpy Gardener gives you the low-down on the mulch varieties to buy and those to avoid. The Good: Well, let's see here. Hypothesis: It makes you really, really fat. Wisconsin loves beer! Dreadful! (You will want to leave New Jersey.) long suicide sigh Do you hear the blues a-callin'? These five states you will read about today represent the absolute worst, the nadir of American statehood. Near the top in suicides. Hell of a Roy Rogers they got in there. We've heard rumors that Salt Lake City can be a decent place, but they've never been verified. Perennial punchline, New Jersey, claims to house more scientists and engineers per square mile than anywhere else in the world. Nevada has some of the highest unemployment and foreclosure rates in the country. And as if that's not bad enough — Canton, Akron, Toledo, and Youngstown are all in the top 20.

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